Saturday, 3 April 2010

Quattro Dave - Brilliant Inspiration from the Labour Party.

Why is the series 'Ashes to Ashes' so successful?

Is it the great acting? the brilliant script? or the great 1980's music?

Yes. But for me a big part of the attraction is that it is a nostalgic throwback to a period when people said what they meant and had a tougher and more ballsy attitude to life in general.

The 1980's was an exciting pre-political correctness era when the nation was emerging from the shadow of a another disastrous Labour government - an era when the nation shrugged off the misery of those Labour years and started attacking life with a renewed gusto that had been missing until then.

So I was utterly delighted to see the Labour party scoring a massive own-goal by depicting David Cameron as the 'Ashes to Ashes' lead character Gene Hunt in this poster. What an absolutely spectacularly stupid mistake to make!

(Incidentally - How appropriate it is that the Conservatives are, once working with M&C Saatchi (Maurice and Charles) and taking on Labour's Saatchi and Saatchi agency who famously ejected M&C after they had successfully built the business in the 1980s.)

The Conservatives have wasted no time in hitting back by acknowledging the error:

Great stuff. But I think having been gifted this brilliant bit of inspiration by the insane Labour party Dave should take it a bit further...

On Tuesday morning, the shadow cabinet should wander in to a press conference looking slightly worse for wear. Gove, Osborne, and Hague are all wearing ties at half mast and Hague has a particularly interesting looking stain on his white shirt. A hush falls over the assembled press as they stare in amazement as the Conservative team shamble in.

Teresa May, Villiers and Spelman all totter in arms linked, in short skirts and high heels giggling followed by Dave (also with tie at half-mast) and the delectable SamCam also tottering along on ridiculously high heels bare-legged and engulfed in a huge fur coat (and very little else).

Dave, hands in pockets, strides up to the mic and swaying gently backwards and forwards regards the assembled audience in front of him. Sam Cam totters to his side. 

'Right you slags', he says. A gasp from the audience.

'Now we have all had a nice long weekend bender but now the campaign has started I am going to explain to you low-life what this 'Change' thing we have been banging-on about means. I know you have been wetting-yourselves to understand what we are planning..' Dave stares at the press allowing his sentence to sink in..

'You hacks are as much use as an ash-tray on a motorbike so I will make it very simple for you. The policies of the next Conservative government will be to return this nation to the prosperity and vitality of the 1980's. Men will be men and women will be women. We will have no political correctness, no whinging about rights from lazy good-for-nothing layabouts and no more hand-outs. If people want to come and live in our Country they can, so long as they are prepared to work.'

The audience are still sitting there stunned so Dave wakes them up.

'Oy. Wakey wakey you lot. Don't you think you better start taking notes?'. Jerked into action the hacks all start scribbling furiously.

Dave continues, 'So if you vote for us. What you'll get is a proper honest working government with no bollocks'.

a fleeting look of insecurity appears on Dave's face at this point, perhaps realising that the last statement doesn't entirely constitute a full manifesto. But, he immediately gathers himself and finishes.

'So. Anyway that's enough for you lot now. We will see you toe-rags again tomorrow'.

At this he turns to Sam, throws an arm around her shoulders, and says 'Right darlin' lets go and get ourselves a decent fried breakfast'..


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